A New Beginning

I didn't think marriage would happen for me again after my divorce, and I'll be honest, I didn't want it to. I wasn't a man-hater that threw the baby out with the bath water, but I felt that I could keep my daughter from the pain I went through as a product of divorce both from my parents and myself if I just didn't get married again. And yet... Yesterday, my best friend in the entire world asked me to spend the rest of our lives hand in hand; side by side. He asked Adelaide to be his daughter and presented her with her own ring as a symbol of his complete love and adoration of her.

This has been the hardest and easiest yes I've ever said in my life. I get to spend my life with my partner and I get to share in all of the ups and downs that life and parenthood bring. He is my travel buddy, my companion, my lover, and my dearest friend. I'm so in love with him.

He has been so patient in the pursuit of my heart. He accepted being friends when I knew he wanted more. He accepted going slow and being careful around Adelaide as I didn't want a revolving door of people around her. He welcomed the difficulty of just being friends with someone who has complete and total custody of a child, much less dating. He has embraced all of this process, and done so without complaint. When I am in his arms, I feel like I am home.

Marriage a second time around has a deeper meaning to it. I am agreeing to open my heart and the heart of my daughter's to another person having experienced first hand the heartbreak that marriage can bring, but I also know that complete and utter joy that marriage is. It is the hardest, most rewarding thing, but it brings some trauma and fear to light again.

I am choosing to let this man enter into being my daughter's daddy. I have chosen to get married again after thinking that wasn't going to be in the cards for me. I am letting someone come into our home, and this time, if something goes wrong, she has to watch it happen.

But I am confident in this: He who started a good work will complete it. I know that God is slowly redeeming my story. I know that this is a part of him rebuilding the rubble. He is piecing my heart back together with this incredible man that loves our daughter and I so much. My FIANCE(I can't believe I'm lucky enough to call him that) has already proven he is in this for the long haul. Less than a year into dating, he stayed in the hospital with Adelaide and I for 3 days while she battled pneumonia, he has stayed by my side in being her advocate, he has protected us, walked with me through heartache, the loss of my father and grandmother, and has gracefully stood by my side as I have grieved the loss of my marriage and has been understanding that I still grieve that loss while celebrating the incredible gain of a man who I know loves me more than I can ever understand. I am confident that this man is in it to stay and won't be going anywhere. I trust him with mine and Adelaide's hearts fully.

So now, Adelaide and I will be entering into new territory. She will enter into having two parents, and I will be entering into a second marriage after a really traumatic divorce. I will have to learn to co-parent. I will have to learn to release some of the control that I have held onto for the last three and a half years.

God puts the broken back together if you'll let Him. He's done it in ways I never imagined possible.

I can't wait to elope with my best friend. Spain or bust, my love.